Losing Our Sense of Self: Where Are You?

During graduate school someone asked me how I reconcile going into the mental health field and being a Christian. I responded that I didn’t see the two as being dichotomous.

God created our minds therefore I see the field of psychology as the study of God’s

creation. Furthermore, like Adam and Eve hiding in the Garden, many feel crushed by

guilt and shame. As a licensed professional counselor (associate) my job is not to “fix”

someone, but to echo God’s question: “Where are you?”

A lot of work done in therapy helps clients strengthen their sense of self which gets challenged through different hardships, such as the loss of a significant loved one, loss of a career/job, a break-up, and/or traumatic experiences. Life situations can overwhelm us to the point where we lose our sense of self. When our sense of self fades, we can start to experience any number of mental health symptoms such as anxiety, depression, low self-worth, anger, fatigue, etc.

Our sense of self first develops within our family of origin. We were not brought into

being in isolation, but we come from long lines of individuals within family systems

where a variety of coping mechanisms, strengths and weaknesses flow down through

the family line. When we “zoom out” and look at the bigger picture of where we came

from, we can start to see how we developed the coping mechanisms and patterns of

behavior we have, which we call pseudo-self.

Finding our sense of self requires sifting through thoughts and feelings to determine

which are ours vs what we absorbed and learned from the “system” to maintain

harmony. Where is the pseudo-self showing up to maintain harmony rather than the

solid self that is free of pressures to conform to keep the peace? Where are you (the

solid self, not the pseudo self)?

Through the work of distinguishing what is solid self vs the pseudo-self we gain more

clarity. A “pseudo self” response is reflexively reacting to a situation vs a “solid self”

response which is a thoughtful and intentional response rooted in values and principles.

Gaining greater clarity over differentiating between solid vs pseudo self leads to less

self-criticism, more confidence, meaning and purpose in life, and enjoyment of

interpersonal relationships.

Noticing the difference between solid vs pseudo self takes practice. Changing by

building more solid self takes hard work and it is a slow process, but it is worth it.

Where are you? If you are ready to strengthen your sense of self, I’m here to help.

Stephanie Brannan, LPC-Associate #96795

Supervised by Deana Reed, LPC-S #68220

stephaniebrannan@nlcc1.com

512-677-2577