A large part of the work of managing anxiety is establishing your values and principles, which will define your boundaries. The next step is increasing your tolerance for discomfort from other people not approving of your boundaries. It sounds simple, but it can be hard work. It requires time and effort to tease out the real you and find your boundaries.

Healing from a past abortion is a delicate process.  Many women push down their feelings because they fear that opening that wound will feel overwhelming.  Instead of healing, they often learn to survive and live with anxiety, depression, or emotional numbness fueled by guilt and shame.  This unresolved pain becomes an undercurrent that can quietly affect many areas of life, including relationships, faith, self-worth, and emotional well-being.

Every family experiences emotional stress and most people are able to sense the increase in emotional tension within the family, even before anyone says a word. You might feel a shift in your body: a bit of tightness, a faster heartbeat, or a sense of pressure. Bowen Family Systems Theory calls this the family anxiety field. It’s the emotional atmosphere that forms when one or more family members feel upset or anxious.

The holiday season is rapidly approaching. For many people, this can be a time of joy, excitement, and connection. For others, this season can be fraught with unmet expectations, stress, and even grief. If you are feeling more anxious than jolly this season, you are not alone. 

Finding our sense of self requires sifting through thoughts and feelings to determine which are ours vs what we absorbed and learned from the “system” to maintain harmony. Where is the pseudo-self showing up to maintain harmony rather than the solid self that is free of pressures to conform to keep the peace? Where are you (the solid self, not the pseudo self)? Through the work of distinguishing what is solid self vs the pseudo-self we gain more clarity.

Anxiety related insomnia can create a vicious cycle. Anxiety leads to disruptions in sleep habits, which affects mental and physical performance while awake, which can then lead to more anxiety due to the negative repercussions of not getting enough sleep. How do we break this cycle of anxiety-induced insomnia? By increasing awareness of family patterns and learning to regulate anxiety differently, you can create conditions for better rest.

The result of disconnecting from yourself to maintain harmony in the family system can lead to experiencing anxiety. You might struggle with patterns of people-pleasing, difficulties with setting boundaries, or feeling resentful when others overstep. These behaviors are often anxiety-driven. Fears of rejection, conflict, or letting someone down are often rooted in how we learned to function in our family of origin.

When you're feeling depressed, it’s common to get stuck in repetitive thought patterns that are discouraging and hard to shake. These thoughts can show up quietly in the background or feel loud and overwhelming. Over time, they may start to influence how you see yourself, your relationships, and your future. You might notice your mind drifting toward self-blame, worst-case scenarios, or the belief that things will never get better.

Conflict is a natural part of any marriage, but when one partner consistently avoids arguments, it can create an emotional imbalance.

Anxiety is a natural part of life, but for many, it can be overwhelming at times.

Ready to change? This is what I will offer you, consistently and with tenacity, to facilitate change as you so choose. I hold the stance...

I think being a self has to do with radically owning your own footprint in the world. It’s being responsible for your own words and actions.

Sometimes we know that things need to be different. Sometimes we have tried to change before and haven’t had the success we’ve hoped for....

One of the unique things about Bowen family systems theory is how it conceptualizes self. Murray Bowen, who developed the theory, termed...

Photo shared from Flikr We live in Austin. At least in the greater Austin area. It seems like the word “organic” is everywhere these...

I think it’s fair to say there’s some free-floating anxiety running through the veins of society right now. Though it seems to somewhat...

I think the process of working towards a solid self is really a mystery. (See last’s months post for the first part of this...

What is the state of your marriage? Are you bringing the healthiest version of yourself to your marriage?

One month into the new year, with memories from the holidays still fresh (and another relationship-related holiday coming up), the topic...

Last month I introduced the metaphor of viewing family systems as a tapestry, full of tangles and needing grace.  Now I would like to...