Anxiety is a natural part of life, but for many, it can be overwhelming at times. Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST) teaches that anxiety isn't just an individual experience; it’s deeply rooted in the relational patterns of families and friends. By understanding these patterns, you can reduce your anxiety and respond to stress in healthier ways. I invite you to take a brief look at different ways to better deal with anxiety, including Differentiation of self, Generational patterns, and Triangles. Then I’ll invite you toward diffusing anxiety by Depersonalizing conflicts and Grounding techniques.
I. One of the core concepts of BFST is differentiation of self—the ability to remain emotionally connected to others while maintaining your own sense of identity. Anxiety often rises when we are overly reactive to the emotions of those around us. There are several ways we can work on defining a better sense of self.
A. Observe emotional reactions in yourself and others instead of immediately responding can be a powerful aid.
B. Work to clearly identify your own values and beliefs that might be different from others can assist you with declining to get upset when others become upset.
C. Practice, in advance, calm responses rather than embracing emotional reactivity is another way to promote a better concept of self.
II. Anxiety is often passed down through generations of the family. Take a step back and reflect on what this might mean for you. Think about how your family handles stress and conflict and how do family members interact with each other. Do you see any patterns from one generation to the next?
A. Slow down and think about if or how you repeat these patterns.
B. Pay close attention to such things as the use of distance from others and emotional fusion, the tendency of joining someone else when they are emotionally upset.
III. Triangles occur when a third person is drawn into a conflict between two others to reduce tension. While this can provide temporary relief, it often reinforces anxiety in the system. Instead of triangulating, try the following suggestions.
A. Work on addressing the issues directly with the other person when safe to do so.
B. If you find yourself in a triangle, avoid taking sides, being a messenger, or acting like a peacemaker in family conflicts.
C. Become a keen observer of what’s going on around you and decline joining others in unnecessary emotional drama.
IV. Seeing yourself as part of a larger system helps depersonalize conflicts. By stepping back and gaining perspective, this allows you to think, stay flexible, and create options for yourself. When feeling anxious, try to find a calm, quiet place and ask yourself some curious and thoughtful questions.
A. Do you see any larger family or social patterns influencing you?
B. Are you taking too much responsibility for others’ emotions and actions?
C. What choices do you have to shift how you interact and respond to others?
V. You can better lower your level of anxiety and stress by practicing grounding techniques such as
A. deep breathing,
B. going for a walk,
C. focusing on body awareness
D. setting clear emotional boundaries with others, and
E. responding thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively can help as well.
Bowen Family Systems Theory provides a roadmap for managing anxiety by increasing self-awareness, breaking old patterns, and fostering emotional resilience. By working on differentiation, recognizing family patterns, managing triangles, and staying grounded, you can cultivate a sense of calm even in challenging situations.
Would you like help applying these concepts to your life? Reach out to a therapist here at New Life to explore your unique family dynamics and take steps toward lasting change.
David Yentzen, LPC
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