Not all anxious thoughts are irrational thoughts. Sometimes anxiety does produce distorted predictions: “She hasn't texted me back, so she must be angry with me.” This is an excellent place for approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). What's the evidence for that thought? What are some alternative explanations? Could you be catastrophizing or mind-reading? Sometimes the question is: “What do I actually think about what happened?” That's a very different ther

Generativity vs. Stagnation When you consider your life experiences, do your memories and experience create life, enthusiasm, or meaning? Or do they bring weight, disappointment, or despair? What does such a survey tell you about yourself? I suppose some young people may ask such questions, and I yield my hat. After 34 years as a therapist, I’ve observed that this inventory picks up speed as we age. Focusing on what breeds life becomes far more important than temporary

Every family experiences emotional stress and most people are able to sense the increase in emotional tension within the family, even before anyone says a word. You might feel a shift in your body: a bit of tightness, a faster heartbeat, or a sense of pressure. Bowen Family Systems Theory calls this the family anxiety field. It’s the emotional atmosphere that forms when one or more family members feel upset or anxious.

Finding our sense of self requires sifting through thoughts and feelings to determine which are ours vs what we absorbed and learned from the “system” to maintain harmony. Where is the pseudo-self showing up to maintain harmony rather than the solid self that is free of pressures to conform to keep the peace? Where are you (the solid self, not the pseudo self)? Through the work of distinguishing what is solid self vs the pseudo-self we gain more clarity.

The result of disconnecting from yourself to maintain harmony in the family system can lead to experiencing anxiety. You might struggle with patterns of people-pleasing, difficulties with setting boundaries, or feeling resentful when others overstep. These behaviors are often anxiety-driven. Fears of rejection, conflict, or letting someone down are often rooted in how we learned to function in our family of origin.

One of the unique things about Bowen family systems theory is how it conceptualizes self. Murray Bowen, who developed the theory, termed...